


Two Hunters, An Angel, and Jager Bombs

by Huntress69



Series: Two Hunters and An Angel [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, First Time, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-10
Updated: 2013-03-10
Packaged: 2017-12-04 21:57:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/715542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Huntress69/pseuds/Huntress69
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jager Bombs, sober Dean, hormonal Sam, and drunk Castiel</p>
            </blockquote>





	Two Hunters, An Angel, and Jager Bombs

**Disclaimer: Dean belongs to Sam. Sam belongs to Dean. And anyone who disputes that has to ~~read Sam/Ruby fic~~ ; ~~watch Uriel pose in a Speedo~~ ; ~~give Zachariah a sponge bath~~ ; deal with Missouri Mosely and her Spoon of Doom.**

**************

The hunt was easy and it was done - a succubus sent back to Hell.

The night was young, it was just about nine, and Dean was getting ready to go out. He liked Boston and was familiar with the city. He did a doubletake and stared at the cover of the book Sam was reading. " _Pride and Prejudice and Zombies_? Jane Austen meets George Romero?"

"It's good," Sam shrugged. 

"Whatever." Dean pulled on his jacket, wearing his trademark smirk. "Catch up with you in the morning, Sam." 

Sam glanced up from his book. "Got condoms?"

"Do I look stupid, Sammy?" Dean rolled his eyes. "Of course I do."

"Matches?"

"Yeah." Dean pulled the book from his pocket. "Why?"

Sam held up the joint. 

"Druggie." Dean tossed them to him. 

"It's your weed," Sam chuckled, firing up the joint. "And since you're not smoking it, one of us has to."

"Whatever." Dean walked toward the door.

Sam inhaled, staring at Dean's retreating back. "Dean?"

Dean sighed as he turned. "Yeah, Sam?"

"Can I come with you?"

"Sammy, I promise not to sell my soul, return to Hell or anything like that." Dean didn't want Sam to come with him, but Sam looked so forlorn and sad. "Fine, but only if we share that."

Ten minutes later the two were headed out of the motel in a major giggle fit, with Dean leading the way.

**~~~~~~~~**

The bar seemed nice, nicer then some of the dives Sam had been to with his brother. But after a few minutes he noticed something, and was surprised it had taken him so long to figure it out. He stared at one of the waitresses and blinked as the light bulb went off over his head. "Dean, that's a man." He was confused and it showed. "There are no women here."

"It's a gay bar, Sam." Dean was matter-of-fact about it. "What's the matter, bro'? Is there a homophobe lying within?"

"N-no," Sam stammered, looking around. "I just...."

"Never been to a gay bar before?" Oh yeah, Dean was going to have a good time playing with Sam's psyche tonight.

"Let's just take a booth." Sam dragged him to the back of the bar, slid in and peered out into the room under his bangs. "Why are we here, Dean?"

"To drink, shoot pool, have an appetizer...the usual reasons for going to a bar." Dean waved the server over. "Two Jager Bombs, sweetheart."

"Hey, Dean," the server said. "Long time no see."

Dean took a closer look. "Well, if it ain't Darlin' Dani. Lookin' good, babe." 

"Just good, Dean? You used to say I looked great." He grinned and headed for the bar.

Sam stared and it took him a moment to realize their server was a man. "That's a...a...."

"Yeah," Dean nodded, "and he looks prettier than most of the women I know."

"I'm in a gay bar, with my brother, who knows a cross-dresser, who...." Sam shook his head as if to clear it. "This is too damn surreal, even for me."

Dani returned quickly, gave them their drinks and took a seat. "How's your Daddy?"

"Dad...passed away a couple of years back," Dean replied, lowering his eyes. 

"That's a shame; Johnny was always good for a wild ride."

Sam chugged back his drink. "Can I have, uh...one more?"

"Honey, the night is young," Dani smiled, giving him the once over...twice. "And so am I."

"Yeah," Dean snickered, "Dani's as young as T-Rex."

"Watch your mouth, Dean, or I take you over my knees."

"Bring it on, baby," Dean drawled. "As long as you use the paddle."

"Make it two!" Sam yelled as Dani headed for the bar.

"ONE!" Dean added, focusing back on Sam. "What's got into you?"

"He...and Dad," Sam squeaked. 

"Dad and everybody," Dean nodded with a smirk as he kicked back his drink. "John Winchester was many things, but picky wasn't one of 'em." He stood up. "I'm going to the little boy’s room; don't move."

Sam just nodded and sighed. 

There was an actual line in the bathroom, and on his way back to the table, Dean was stopped by a few people he knew and was pulled into a conversation. He finally returned to Sam 15 minutes later and stared at the two empty glasses. "Please tell me you didn't swig two more Jager Bombs."

"Okay," Sam giggled, "I won't tell you."

"Sammy, haven't we talked about you and drinking? After the last time, in Tampa, when you walked up to that woman and...." Dean paused as he felt the hair on the back of his neck prickle, and then he heard it....

"Dean."

Dean turned at the voice and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Go away, I have enough problems."

Castiel eyed him quizzically. "Perhaps I can assist. I am...bored."

"CASTIEL!" Sam jumped up and pulled him into a bear hug. He pulled back with the stupidest grin. "Can I see your wings?"

"No, you may not," Castiel replied.

"I wanna see your wings." Sam pouted. "Pleasepleaseplease? Can I?"

Castiel scrutinized Sam closely. "Is your brother possessed?"

"Yeah," Dean nodded, "by the demons known as Jagermeister and Red Bull."

"I'm unfamiliar with those demons." Castiel took a seat and narrowed his eyes. "And I sense no presence within Samuel."

"IT'S SAM!" 

The scream made Castiel flinch, which made Dean laugh. 

"And if you call me Sammy," Sam was slurring, "I'll pop you one."

"He is drunk."

"You're so quick on the uptake, Cas." Dean was biting his lip to stop further laughter. "Can you sober him up?"

"As I said, I am bored." Castiel's lips twitched. "This could be quite...entertaining."

"Why are you bored?" Sam asked, his head resting on his palm. 

"The war is over, Sam," Castiel answered, careful not to call him Samuel. "The higher level demons are back where they belong, thus you must only contend with...the usual."

"You're pretty," Sam grinned and touched Castiel's nose. "Cute as a button."

"Uh, thank you?"

"How come you're always in that trenchcoat?" 

"It is my clothing, and I see nothing wrong with it."

"And how come," Sam stared at him hard, "you don't always use contractions? Sometimes you say, 'it is' or 'do not', instead of 'it's' and 'don't'. Can't you make up your mind?"

The angel looked to Dean for help, but Dean just shrugged and laughed again. "Not so entertaining now, is he?"

Sam pulled Castiel close and whispered, "Shh, don't tell anybody, but this is a gay bar."

Castiel looked around. "Yes, it does appear to be a happy place."

"No," Sam said very seriously, "there's no women here."

"I see." Castiel looked again. "It reminds me of Sodom in it's...heyday."

Dean stopped laughing. "How do you know about Sodom?"

"I am not...." Castiel paused. " **I'm** not ignorant, Dean."

"But you're sober," Dean nodded, "and so am I. And before **I** have several more Jager Bombs, I'm going to play a game or three. Keep an eye on Sam, would you?"

"I'll do that, Dean. I shall keep him safe."

"Thank you." Secure in the knowledge that Sam would be okay, Dean headed to the pool tables. 

"You need to try a Jager Bomb." Sam waved the server over. "Four Jager Bombs for Thursday's angel, please, and one more for me."

"I take it your name is Castiel," Dani smirked. 

Castiel eyed him suspiciously. "And you know this how, madam?"

"Ooh, madam; I like you." He snickered. "And too many years of Catholic school." Dani turned to Sam. "And just how do you know Dean? You seem way too sedate for him."

"He's my brother." Sam stared at him, silently agreeing with Dean - Dani looked a hell of a lot better than some of the women he knew also. 

"Oh, so you're Sam." Dani grinned. "Your Daddy was a good man; exorcised my sister. For you, everything is on the house. I'll get you some food to go along with those drinks."

"Can we have nachos with cheese?"

"For a Winchester, anything your little heart desires."

"Why am I getting four drinks?" Castiel asked. "Would not one suffice?"

"Because if I have one more, that'll bring me to four, so you have to have four," Sam insisted. "It's only right."

"I won't argue," Castiel nodded. "I am here for enjoyment."

"And Cas," Sam leaned close again, "that's a guy, not a...madam."

Castiel peered across the room. "Are you sure, Sam?"

"Oh yeah."

The angel thought about that as he stared at Dani. "I do not care; he makes a lovely woman."

**~~~~~~~~**

Four games later Dean returned, very happy. "I got enough to buy us a few fancy steak dinners, bro'." He was now prepared to go on a bender himself.

"Dean," Castiel started, "how much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?"

"Huh?"

"Sam asked me that, and I don't have the answer."

Dean did a double-take as he saw Castiel's eyes. "You're drunk!" 

"I am not!" Castiel banged his fist on the table. "That is not possible!"

"There he goes with the non-contractions again," Sam sighed.

Dean then noticed the four empty glasses in front of Castiel. "Please tell me that was water."

"No." Castiel grinned. "Sam said that he had four of those nice Jager Bombs and that I had to catch up to him."

"A drunken angel," Dean muttered, wondering if there was a universal conspiracy against him.

Dani, in the meantime, took a seat beside Sam. "You're a good looking boy." He whispered in Sam's ear, causing Sam to giggle. 

Dean was growing uncomfortable at the attention Sam was getting. "You're not gay, so don't be leading him on. It's not right."

"Jealous, Deanie?" Dani leaned in and blew in Sam's ear. "I think maybe little brother wants it bad." He slid his hand between Sam's legs - wrong thing to do.

"Touch him and I will smite thee," Castiel growled.

"Ooh, baby, smite me anytime." Dani licked her lips. "I'm into kink." As he walked away laughing, Castiel raised his hand and poor Dani fell on his ass. 

"I feel much better now," Castiel nodded. 

"Do it again!" Sam was clapping his hands like a four year old. 

"Should I?" Castiel asked. "Who shall it be?"

"I am so going to Hell...again," Dean murmured, then looked up. "I didn't do this, you know I didn't." He actually jumped as bottles began to break behind the bar. Glancing at the angel, he saw Castiel with his forefinger and thumb shaped like a gun, pointing at the bar. "STOP THAT!" 

"You were right, Sam, Dean's no fun." 

Dean was all prepared to make a flippant remark when Sam and Castiel disappeared into thin air. "Angel or not, I am so going to kick his ass."

**~~~~~~~~**

"OKAY ANGEL-BOY...." Dean stormed into the motel room and paused as he took off his jacket, looking around. "Where's Sam?"

Castiel was tangled up in his coat, lying half on the bed, half on the floor, and pointed to the bathroom. 

"DEAN!!" Sam screamed. 

"Stay where you are," Dean told Castiel.

"I have been poisoned," Castiel groaned.

"Horseshit." Dean sighed and helped him get the coat off and lie on the bed. "You're drunk and you deserve every ache and pain." He entered the bathroom and the door was slammed behind him. "Sam?"

Sam grabbed him by the shirt and shoved him against the wall. "I want you." The voice was calm, but the eyes were wild and darkened. "I want you so bad."

It took Dean's brain a few seconds to catch on and when he did, he ducked under Sam's arm and backed away - not an easy task in a tiny bathroom. "Uh, Sam, maybe it escaped that brain of yours, but we're brothers and brothers don't...."

"Nathan and Peter do." Sam grabbed Dean between the legs and squeezed his cock. 

"Petrelli? You gotta be wrong, Sam. And...and stop that!" Dean pulled Sam's hand away. "You're not gay; you told me so in the bar."

"No, **you** said I wasn't gay. I just remarked I'd never been to a gay bar with my brother and that I'd never seen a transvestite in the flesh before."

"In the flesh?"

"Well, I did see _Frank-N-Furter_ and _Priscilla, Queen of the Desert_ , but I don't think they count." Sam managed to get Dean's pants unsnapped and the zipper down. "And Nathan and Peter do, trust me."

"Since when are you gay, Sam?"

"Since forever, Dean. Well, bisexual, like you, but I've always had a thing for guys."

"What guys?" Dean demanded. "Who? When?"

"Uh-uh, Dean, I won't have you committing random homicides." Sam was grinding his crotch against Dean's. "It's in the past, and that's where it stays."

Dean pushed him back again. "And you never noticed **I** liked men?"

"No." Sam kissed his neck. "I guess I wasn't looking; wish I had, we could have been doing this ages ago."

"You don't seem so drunk now, Sammy."

"I'm a Winchester, Dean, and it'll take more than four Jager Bombs to knock me down." He licked Dean's ear. "I'm going to blow you now."

"Oh no you're not."

"Oh yes I am!" Sam pushed him and Dean lost his balance, sitting on the toilet. "Perfect." He dropped to his knees and nuzzled Dean's crotch. "Mine...Deanie." Sam glanced up at Dean, licked his lips, brought his head down...and promptly passed out with his head in Dean's lap.

Dean glanced up. "You hate me, don't you." He stood, lifting Sam in the process. "Yeah, you hold your liquor so well." Dean grunted as he hoisted Sam over his shoulder. "You need a diet, Sammy." He dropped Sam on the bed and sat beside him. "Where do I sleep?" He glanced at the other bed, and Castiel, who was sprawled across it, staring at him. "What?"

"I don't know what to do, Dean." He looked, and sounded, absolutely pitiful.

Much as he wanted to tease and torture, Dean thought back to his own first drunken binge and decided to take it easy on the angel. "It's okay, Cas. Just close your eyes and get some sleep."

"I do not want to die." Castiel's lower lip was trembling. "I mean...this vessel - I have grown accustomed to...Jimmy."

Dean stood up and walked over, sitting beside Castiel and brushing the hair from his brow. "I promise you'll be fine in the morning."

"I am sorry, for allowing this to happen." Castiel sniffled. "I need forgiveness."

"You're a mushy drunk, aren't you?" Dean smiled. "There's nothing to forgive. Now close your eyes; it's time to sleep it off." 

"Please?"

"I, er, absolve you of any...transgressions...regarding Sam." Dean had to fight back a laugh. "You are forgiven, and no Hail Mary's necessary."

"I can now die in peace." Castiel closed his eyes...and began to snore.

"And I thought Dad was loud," Dean muttered, glancing at the other bed. Thankfully Sam was on one side of the bed. Dean kicked his shoes off, stripped down to his boxers, slid under the sheet, and quickly found himself with an armful of brother. 

"Dean," Sam whispered, "I wanna make love."

Dean turned to face him. "I'll get you a hooker tomorrow." 

"Don't want a hooker," Sam mumbled. "Wanna blow you in the shower in the morning."

"Fine with me, Sam." Dean rolled his eyes. "Whatever you want."

"I'm gonna remember."

"Of course you will."

**~~~~~~~~**

"Ba-a-a-ackkk, ba-a-a-a-ackkk, I'm back in black, I'm back - in - black!"

"You sing everything great, Dean." Sam sneered toward the closed bathroom door as he cracked his eyes open. "Everything **but** AC/DC." The sounds of a dying elephant caught his ears and he turned over, snickering at Castiel, who was drooling. "Geez, if I'd known you could sound like that, we would have just let you go to sleep during the war. The demons would have fled back to the pit after hearing you." Sam got out of bed, stretching, and getting a whiff of his underarms. "Or smelling me." He took off his shirt, staring at the closed bathroom door, a slow smirk coming to his face. "I didn't forget, Dean." Sam left a trail of clothing on his way, silently opening the bathroom door, closing it just as quietly. It took him a moment to realize the singing had stopped and soft moaning had begun. 

"Mmm, yeah...just like that...."

Sam had a clear view of Dean's silhouette leaning with one palm against the tiles, head bent, his other hand wrapped around his cock.

"Shit...oh God that's good...." Dean grunted, his hand moving faster. "So fucking tight around my dick...such a pretty ass, all mine...my Sammy...."

Sam's mouth dropped open and he shook his head to clear it. "What did you say?"

"Sam?" Dean squeaked.

"No, the Easter Bunny." Sam pulled the curtain aside, getting a clear view. "You said my name."

"Uh, no, no I didn't." Dean stammered. "I said, um, I said...Sandy, yeah, Sandy. She's this girl I know and...and...." He finally lifted his eyes, facing Sam, a challenge in his eyes. "Yeah, okay, I said your name. So I was thinking about you, what of it?"

Sam was not prepared for that and didn't have an answer.

"You gonna blow me like you said?" Dean stood there, his swollen cock in his hand. "Or are you just bluster?"

"Winchester's never back down from a challenge."

"No," Dean grinned, "but they do occasionally pass out." He reached out and palmed Sam's face. "Floors gettin' wet, Sammy. You gonna join me?"

Sam stepped in and Dean closed the curtain. "I...Dean, I...."

"I know, Sam," Dean leaned in, "I know." He didn't waste any time and threaded his fingers in Sam's hair, pulling their lips together. "And just so you know, I love you too." The kiss was neither soft nor chaste, and Dean poured everything he had into it. 

Sam pushed him back, he was literally growing dizzy from the kiss, his head floating in the clouds, breathing rapid. "Dean...."

"Sammy, for once in your life, just once, shut up and go with the flow." Another kiss, and Dean's hands caressed down Sam's body, taking his cock in hand, jerking him slowly. "I love you, my Sammy."

"It's...oh wow... **Sam**." Sam leaned against the tiles, bracing one hand on Dean's shoulder to keep his balance. 

Dean blew in his ear and bit the lobe. "I'll call you whatever I want." He kissed his way to Sam's neck. "My Sammy."

Sam petted his hair. "What took you so long to figure it out?" 

Dean dropped lower, sucking on a nipple. "Sometimes I can be slow." He bit the other. "But I always catch on." He dropped lower still, leaving a trail of light kisses down Sam's abdomen. "I'm going to suck your brains out through your dick," Dean glanced upward, "and destroy every bit of grey matter in that pretty head of yours." He blew on the tip and lightly suckled, tasting the precome and smacking his lips together. "Better than coffee and chocolate combined." Dean laved the length, teasing, listening as Sam's moans grew louder. He gave one last glance up, focused back on Sam's dick, opened his mouth and pulled the length deep within his throat. 

Sam dropped his hands to Dean's hair, grabbing hold, moving Dean's head up and down. "Oh fuck yeah." 

Dean was on fire, his cock was ready to explode, and if he was any judge, so was Sam. He yanked his head away, got to his feet, turned Sam and pressed him against the tiles. "Ask me for it, Sammy; ask me and maybe I'll give it to you." 

"I want you to fuck me." Sam's voice was ragged and he was clearly begging. "Please Dean...fuck me...." 

Dean reached down and grabbed the small conditioner bottle, squeezing the liquid onto his palm. "Now I'm going to smell fruity." He slid two fingers inside Sam's hole, slowly finger-fucking. "Gonna open you slow, get you ready for me."

"Dean...oh God, stop." When Dean did, Sam shook his head. "No...not that...it's too much...I so need you inside me...please...."

Now understanding, Dean slicked himself. "Just what I always wanted, a honeydew-scented cock." He teased, his cock sliding along the crevice of Sam's ass, kissing the back of Sam's neck. "Ready for me, Sammy? My hard cock stuffed up your tight ass?"

Sam responded by grinding his ass against Dean's stiff shaft. 

"Time to fuck you...." Dean slowly eased in, grabbing Sam around the waist with one arm, his free hand fisted around Sam's dick. "Shh, s'okay, Sam, I'm going to love you proper." He slid inside meeting no resistance; Sam clenched his ass, dragging Dean's cock deep. Dean was still teasing, pulling out, sliding back in, almost methodical. "Do you want more Sam? You want it harder?" Dean jerked Sam off at the same pace he was fucking him - slow and easy. 

"I want more...harder...deeper...." Sam sounded desperate. "I need you, need this, so bad."

"I can do that." Dean pounded into him, his hand tightening around Sam's cock. "Come for me. You know you want to, and I want you to." Sam spasmed and came in Dean's fist, and Dean tumbled after him, coming with the soft sigh of Sam's name on his lips. He rested his head against Sam's back, both sated, gasping for air. Dean was slow as he slid out and turned Sam to face him, seeing the stupid grin on Sam's face. "What?" 

Sam took Dean's hand in his and sucked each finger clean of come, then did the same to his palm. 

"Damn, Sammy, you're gettin' me hard again. Ready for another round?"

Sam pulled him in for a kiss, they began to grind against each other again....

And then the groaning was heard in the room.

"I'm gonna kill him," Dean snarled. "Angel or not...."

"We'll go again later, Dean." Sam shut off the water and grabbed two towels, handing one to Dean. "Next time, you bend me over the Impala's trunk and...."

"Somebody help me," Castiel whined. 

They came out of the bathroom as Castiel sat up. "I am in Hell." He quickly fell back. "There is a hoard of demons trampling in my head." 

"It's called a hangover," Dean shook his head in scorn as he and Sam got dressed. "And how does an angel get drunk anyway?"

"I am an angel, but this vessel is not." Castiel once again looked pitiful. "Can you help me?"

"Oh, so now you want **my** help?" Dean was grinning. "And what do I get in return?"

"You will have the comfort of knowing you assisted your guardian."

"Nope." Dean's grin grew. "I was thinking of a trip to Vegas."

"I will not aid you in your gambling." Castiel rubbed his temples. 

"Then I will not aid you with your headache."

"All right," Castiel agreed. "One hour in a casino, but no more."

"Two."

"One, or I shall tell my brethren that it was you who did this to me." Castiel was turning a slight shade of green. "I am going to be...." He covered his mouth with his hand. 

"Oh crap." Dean helped him to the bathroom and motioned him to his knees. "Just...just bend over and...." He didn't need to go on. "I'll go and get you something."

"Do not leave me, Dean!" Castiel turned a deeper shade of green and bent his head again.

"You can do this on your own!" Dean closed the door and went back to the main room. "Just what I needed at the crack of dawn." He smirked at Sam. "Since you got him drunk, you can clean him up."

"Where are you going?"

"Breakfast for me and you, Pepto for Barfiel." Dean quickly left before Sam's puppy-dog eyes convinced him to stay.

"How bad could it be?" Sam sighed. 

Loud retching.

Sam glanced upwards. "This is my punishment for the whole _raising Lucifer_ thing, isn't it?"

"Help...."

"I repented, you know I did, said Hail Mary's and everything even though I'm not Catholic."

"Kill me now."

Sam buried his face in his hands, taking a deep breath. "I'm coming Castiel."

**FIN - For Now**

**Author's Note:**

> The book Sam is reading is very real, and I am reading it too. Further info [Here](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pride_and_Prejudice_and_Zombies).


End file.
